written by bunny
i want to discuss this phenomenon of a cool girl. in the movie Gone Girl, amy recites a powerful monologue where she discusses that this is the ultimate girl that men look for.
hearing this monologue from a powerful, well-developed female character was unforgettable to me. for those that don’t remember the dialogue, it goes something like this:
Nick loved a girl I was pretending to be. Cool girl. Men always use that, don’t they? As their defining compliment. She’s a Cool girl. Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrin loving manner and then presents her mouth for fucking. She likes what he likes. So, evidently, he’s a vinyl hipster who loves fetish monger. If he likes girls gone wild, she’s a mall babe who talks football and endures buffalo wings at Hooters. When I met Nick Dunne, I knew he wanted a cool girl and for him, I’ll admit, I was willing to try. I wax stripped my pussy raw. I drank canned beer while watching Adam Sandler movies. I ate cold pizza and remained a size 2. I blew him… semi regularly. I lived in the moment. I was fucking game. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy some of it… Nick teased out in me things I didn’t know existed. A lightness, a humor, an ease. But I made him smarter, sharper, I inspired him to rise to my level. I forged the man of my dreams.
why is this monologue so enticing, so memorable?
well this speech comes after amy leaves her miserable, cheating husband and frames him for her disappearance. we watch her go through a physical transformation, she cuts and dyes her hair, smokes a cigarette and moves to a new place. we, the viewers, watch as she disgards this image of a cool girl. she is no longer living her life in the image of what her husband expects.
now here is where i put in a disclaimer, i am not a man-hating person. i love men, i love how silly and fun they are. i love hearing their perspectives and interests. i love learning from them, and cracking jokes. i don’t think all men are the same, i know that they aren’t all ‘trash’. there are plenty of great men out there who respect and love women.
however that does not negate the men that i have met, dated, and fucked who have been absolutely terrible to me. my luck with men has never been great and i seem to attract those men who crave this ‘cool girl’. and don’t get me wrong, i have been more than compliant in being their cool girl, their manic pixie dream girl.
i wanted to be that person for them, i wanted to fit into their lifestyle and their needs. for example, i allowed some of my relationships to become open for the sake of being game, for being that cool, bisexual girl who fucks around and lets my partners do the same. i would hook up with strangers because i cared more about how they viewed me than how i viewed them.
i smoked weed and did various other drugs. i became sexually explorative. i changed my style to be this sexy, elusive woman, presenting myself as someone who was meant and made for them. i was game, i was hot, i was never angry, i was casual.
i felt like i needed to be this cool girl in order to fit in, in order to “forge the man of my dreams”. i needed to hide and conceal parts of myself in order to not only attract someone who i may be interested in but to keep them.
i do feel like some men, or at least the ones i attract, use this idea of a “cool girl” to manipulate and keep women in check. anything other than that moves women into the category of ‘crazy’. no one wants to be seen as this crazy girlfriend, who freaks out over nothing and is more trouble than she is worth.
but i just can’t be this girl anymore. i am not a casual person, i am not always hot, i am not always game. i can’t continue to be this cool girl without losing parts of myself that i actually love. i put in so much energy into this persona that i didn’t have any energy left for myself. being the cool girl made me miserable. the sex was more work than fun, the relationships were more emotionally taxing than comforting. I was doing everything in my power to not be attached, to be chill with my boundaries being crossed.
i let and continued to let these men treat me like shit. that is partially my fault that i let them do that to me but i also didn’t deserve that. i loved these men, i love every man i have ever been with, at least to some degree. but i also want to feel loved by these men, i want to feel loved by all of the people that i date, fuck and have relationships with.
so i think we should all put this ‘cool girl’ to bed. this persona isn’t worth the mental and emotional damage it creates. this imagined person caused the real me self esteem issues, trust issues, commitment issues and more. don’t get me wrong, its fun to play this girl while i am out at the bars, or at a party because it temporarily fills my need of adortion, affection and attention but i never feel good the next morning.
at the end of the day you are left with yourself, when the boundary crossing boyfriend goes home, when the one night stand goes back to being a stranger, when the frat boy leaves the bar, all that is left is you.
so fuck those people who make you morph into someone you aren’t comfortable being. you cannot be this cool girl forever, you will not be attached to those people forever. it is more bearable to be yourself, its easier to live with yourself when you’re happy with your actions and behaviors. i promise you that there are people who love the truest version of you, no matter how much hookup culture tells you otherwise.