written by bunny
i have been considering how to write this post for a while. it is a topic that i don’t want to fuck up. to be honest with you my sex life has always been a bit of a mess. i am a slut. i have sex on the first date. i love masturbation. i love sex jokes and telling my best girlfriends about the details. however i have used sex as a form of harm, i would have sex not because i really wanted it but because it filled the void of intimacy i needed, even if it was just momentarily. i was having unprotected sex, sometimes with strangers.
so when i moved here, i felt like i had the opportunity for a new start. i didn’t know anyone, no one knows me. i didn’t want to bring the old feelings i had towards sex, towards myself, to continue. so i did some research into the idea of celibacy hoping that would give me insight to the pros of abstaining from sex. this is not about to sound like your high school health teacher or that coach from mean girls. whatever you wanna do in your sex life should be your choice.
this research sent me down a rabbit hole of information and people i didn’t necessarily identify myself with. i am not very religious and i am not abstinent for political reasons. this was something i wanted to do for myself.
i did find a few articles that i did resonate with, the first being “Cat Person” by Kristen Roupenian. Kristen tells a fictional story about a college girl who meets a man at her work. they text for weeks and develop this relationship built on their own fantasy of each other. i recommend that everyone read this article.
“Cat Person” builds a story around two characters that build up an idea of each other that is simply not real. the girls perception of this relationship comes from being naive. she doesn’t really understand that this older guy is insecure and also just at a completely different portion of his life
the second article i looked at was inspired by Roupenian’s work, “ “Bad Sex”, or The Sex We Don’t Want But Have Anyways” by Ella Dawson. Dawson describes this type of sex as “having a sexual encounter that you don’t want to have because in the moment it seems easier to get it over with than it would be to extricate yourself”. this type of sex is definitely not new to me. i will sometimes just have sex because it seems like the right thing to do, rather than really wanting it.
i am not going to plea for college students to stop having sex, i know that is not going to happen. nor am i going to stop having sex. these articles really affected the way i wanted to live. they gave me a whole new light of how sex can look, how it should look. i didn’t need to settle for mediocrity in my sex life. i am allowed to ask for the things i want and i don’t have to do anything that isn’t an enthusiastic YES!
so i am not necessarily advocating for a sex-free life style but what i want for you and for myself is to have sex when you know its gonna be good. when the passion and lust and respect is there. people are not without flaws and you can’t expect them to be. so if you fuck someone that maybe you don’t feel good about, there is always a chance to slow down, to change.
sex isn’t serious but it also doesn’t need to given out to those you don’t absolutely want. having sex or not having sex is perfectly fine and healthy. but if you are someone like me, someone who maybe should take another look at their sexual activity, taking a break from sex could be eye opening. it has given me a chance to really focus in myself and to be comfortable alone. i care for myself more, i have more respect for myself. i have learned so much about myself which has been scary, fun, joyous, frustrating and fulfilling.
from the influence of these articles i have stopped having bad sex and sex i dont really want. my sex is fun and flirty. my partners respect me and have care for me as i do for them. so stay celibate until you find those people whose bones you wanna jump, who like you and whom you like too. its much better than the 50/50 chance of good sex coming from dating apps. have sex for the fire, for the passion rather than a simulated form of intimacy.