i have spent a lot of time feeling internally uncomfortable with my bisexuality. i don’t know if it is the term itself, especially since queer doesn’t seem to feel right for me either, or maybe its just internalized homophobia or its for another reason entirely.
since i can remember i have had a sexual attraction towards women as well as men. i enjoy the company of both. however most of my romantic and sexual encounters have been with men. i think i am just more comfortable with them as partners, i know the routine and what is expected. but because of that i haven’t spent time pursuing women. and i feel like a bad bisexual because of that (even though i shouldn’t because experience does not equal attraction).
the idea of being with a woman is both thrilling as well as anxiety inducing. i want to be good at sex, i want to pleasure my partner, i want the experience to be great. some of this anxiety also comes from wanting to move away from the ‘bad’ sex and interactions i have had with men. even more so, i had no idea how to eat someone out and men make it look so difficult.
so my roommate’s 21st bar crawl ended with me going home with a girl i met at mcclintocks. to be honest, i don’t know who was more shocked, me or my roommates but at last an opportunity to explore my sexuality arose.
i went home with this girl and it couldn’t have gone better. there was verbalized consent, conversations about testing and pleasure as well as PASSION through the whole process. this was the ‘hell yes’ sex i have been looking for.
so what did this sex look like? well it was a mixture of making out, eating out, playing with toys and 69ing…
despite my novice status when it comes to having sex with other women, i have some advice on how to do it well.
first, sex needs to come with consent. the body, mind and verbal response should all be on the same page between you and your partner. don’t let your motivations outweigh the safety and comfort of your partner. sex is always better with those who are actively willing.
second, be upfront with what you want and ask the same of your partner. tips and suggestions on what you can do better will only improve your experience and your partners’ pleasure. this may also allow for some stress relief as it allows for more intimacy and comfort when speaking honestly.
third, when you get down there, you’ll know what to do. i know that isn’t the most helpful but if you have explored your own anatomy for pleasure those skills can be transferred over. you don’t need to do anything extreme, but do what you know you like and take guidance from your partner.
sex is supposed to fun and relaxing, don’t think to hard about it. go with your instincts and talk with your partner throughout the process… they’ll help you further. sex does not have a strict, rigid order of conduct so do what feels right and what you (and your partner) are comfortable doing. sex looks different for everyone and everyone wants something different from the experience, so be clear about what you want and what you don’t want.