at this point in my life i have had acne longer than i haven’t. i was first majorly aware of my acne during the sixth grade when i had it all over my chest. my english/history teacher was fluent in audacity and did a lot of really inappropriate things during her time at my middle school. however, on one particular occasion she had pulled me aside and asked if i had chicken pox and was, of course, referring to my acne. … Continue reading acne pains
i have spent a lot of time feeling internally uncomfortable with my bisexuality. i don’t know if it is the term itself, especially since queer doesn’t seem to feel right for me either, or maybe its just internalized homophobia or its for another reason entirely.… Continue reading picking up women at a country bar
i came to cal poly as a transfer student, already 21 and far removed from underaged party scene. for the past few years in my hometown i was able to use a fake id to hang out at bars with my older friends and coworkers on the weekends. so coming to san luis obispo i felt like i already had a handle on ‘bar culture.’… Continue reading the cost of a midori sour
a new quarter is upon us and with that the expectation of something new. however, i feel the need to reflect on how my first two quarters at Cal Poly have gone and more specifically how my intimate relationships have been morphed by my move to this new area. … Continue reading where do i go from here￼
have been considering how to write this post for a while. it is a topic that i don’t want to fuck up. to be honest with you my sex life has always been a bit of a mess. i am a slut. i have sex on the first date. i love masturbation. i love sex jokes and telling my best girlfriends about the details. however i have used sex as a form of harm, i would have sex not because i really wanted it but because it filled the void of intimacy i needed, even if it was just momentarily. i was having unprotected sex, sometimes with strangers.… Continue reading celibacy and abstinence
“I don’t know, you just give off surfer girl energy. Like, the kinda girl that guys want to be friends with. Ya know, like they wouldn’t want to date you.” He said it as if it was a complement. As if it was everything a girl wants to hear. Oh thank god, I was worried someone in these crazy college years might see me as more than a “bro,” a girl they can hang out with and completely disregard her femininity. He said it as the three of us studied for one of our engineering midterms–me, him (a friend of two years), and my ex boyfriend. They both laughed. I shrugged it off, only to excuse myself to the restroom to wipe away tears.… Continue reading the feminine urge to cry in the engineering bathrooms
When I turned 19 I bought myself a pair of the shoes I had been dreaming about for years: black platform doc martens, the kind with a clunky zipper up the side. Being a huge supporter of sales and savings, I had never spent that much money on one item of clothing. But these were going to be THE shoes for me, I knew they could go with any outfit. … Continue reading what it really means to dress for yourself: an ode to my platform docs
i want to discuss this phenomenon of a cool girl. in the movie Gone Girl, amy recites a powerful monologue where she discusses that this is the ultimate girl that men look for.
hearing this monologue from a powerful, well-developed female character was unforgettable to me. for those that don’t remember the dialogue, it goes something like this:
… Continue reading i’m tired of being the cool girl
i recently found myself back in the san luis obispo dating scene. as terrifying and tedious as it is, i ended up going on a nice date where we went downtown for a few drinks. we sat there for a few hours and went back to his car.… Continue reading wait, are you on the pill?
I met my first love the first day of my freshman year at Cal Poly and it basically fucked up my life until the begining of my junior year. As someone who was always a bit of a late bloomer with a disdain for the romantic world, I was entirely underprepared for what college relationships could look like, and the damage a breakup could do. … Continue reading navigating a college break-up
“I had a really fun time with you tonight” he says as you’re sitting on his bed, knees touching and your heart pounding out of your chest. You’re smiling and giddy with attention. He leans in for the kiss and all you can think is “oh fuck I’ve never sucked a dick before!!”… Continue reading lets talk about your first time
i have come to help navigate what it looks like when a man doesn’t really like you, to save you from heartbreak or from your friends hearing about him. the talking stage can be really confusing and its hard to navigate the feelings of this person. … Continue reading okay so maybe he doesn’t like you