acne pains

at this point in my life i have had acne longer than i haven’t. i was first majorly aware of my acne during the sixth grade when i had it all over my chest. my english/history teacher was fluent in audacity and did a lot of really inappropriate things during her time at my middle school. however, on one particular occasion she had pulled me aside and asked if i had chicken pox and was, of course, referring to my acne. 

celibacy and abstinence

have been considering how to write this post for a while. it is a topic that i don’t want to fuck up. to be honest with you my sex life has always been a bit of a mess. i am a slut. i have sex on the first date. i love masturbation. i love sex jokes and telling my best girlfriends about the details. however i have used sex as a form of harm, i would have sex not because i really wanted it but because it filled the void of intimacy i needed, even if it was just momentarily. i was having unprotected sex, sometimes with strangers.

the feminine urge to cry in the engineering bathrooms

“I don’t know, you just give off surfer girl energy. Like, the kinda girl that guys want to be friends with. Ya know, like they wouldn’t want to date you.” He said it as if it was a complement. As if it was everything a girl wants to hear. Oh thank god, I was worried someone in these crazy college years might see me as more than a “bro,” a girl they can hang out with and completely disregard her femininity. He said it as the three of us studied for one of our engineering midterms–me, him (a friend of two years), and my ex boyfriend. They both laughed. I shrugged it off, only to excuse myself to the restroom to wipe away tears.

what it really means to dress for yourself: an ode to my platform docs

When I turned 19 I bought myself a pair of the shoes I had been dreaming about for years: black platform doc martens, the kind with a clunky zipper up the side. Being a huge supporter of sales and savings, I had never spent that much money on one item of clothing. But these were going to be THE shoes for me, I knew they could go with any outfit. 

i’m tired of being the cool girl

i want to discuss this phenomenon of a cool girl. in the movie Gone Girl, amy recites a powerful monologue where she discusses that this is the ultimate girl that men look for. hearing this monologue from a powerful, well-developed female character was unforgettable to me. for those that don’t remember the dialogue, it goes something like this:

navigating a college break-up

I met my first love the first day of my freshman year at Cal Poly and it basically fucked up my life until the begining of my junior year. As someone who was always a bit of a late bloomer with a disdain for the romantic world, I was entirely underprepared for what college relationships could look like, and the damage a breakup could do.